


DEH Oneshots

by orphan_account



Category: Dear Evan Hansen
Genre: Everybody Lives/Nobody Dies, Senior year, canon-ish connor, tags are to be added!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-22 19:33:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11974215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: hello it's jared long time no see!! i've been having writer's block 4 abt a month but i got hit with inspiration today so that's good!!_this oneshot doesn't really focus on relationships/frienships, for here i was just kinda practicing writing and developing my connor's character i guess?also shoutout to my amazing friend evan ( https://viivaciou-s.deviantart.com ) for proofreading and helping me with connor !! she's the real mvp!_TW warnings for this oneshot: homophobic slur, cigarettes





	DEH Oneshots

**Author's Note:**

> hello it's jared long time no see!! i've been having writer's block 4 abt a month but i got hit with inspiration today so that's good!!  
> _  
> this oneshot doesn't really focus on relationships/frienships, for here i was just kinda practicing writing and developing my connor's character i guess? 
> 
> also shoutout to my amazing friend evan ( https://viivaciou-s.deviantart.com ) for proofreading and helping me with connor !! she's the real mvp!
> 
> _  
> TW warnings for this oneshot: homophobic slur, cigarettes

With his face pale and his knuckles tight, Connor stared blankly at the sight in front of him. There, on his locker was a poorly-drawn phallid image in sharpie, and above it was a red F, an orange A, a lime G, a green G, a blue O, and a purple T. 

His eyebrows furrowed and his jaw clenched as he took it all in, then shut his eyes tightly as he sharply inhaled through his nose. He stood there for a moment, unmoving, then released his breath so suddenly and aggressively that he might as well be a dragon. He waited another moment, then opened his eyes and hung his head. 

Nothing felt real anymore. Nothing except for Connor and the thoughts he’d rather not name racing through his head.

Just then, a student rushed past him, and accidentally pushed him in the process, which caused him to stumble. She seemed sympathetic at first, but when she recognized the shaggy brown hair and the cigarette stench of the hoodie engulfing the unhealthily skinny figure, she made a noise of disgust and strutted away. Connor didn't bother to notice, though, because he was too busy visiting his personal world of self-hatred and destroyed self-esteem.

He didn't know how long he was standing there, nor was he aware of his sister shouting his name about five times, but eventually the familiar string of letters brought him back to reality, which wasn't much different than _his_ reality. He blinked a few times and realized his sister's hand was just barely touching his shoulder, then immediately, and rather aggressively, shrugged her hand off and backed away several feet. He gripped the strap on his messenger bag with both hands and glared at his younger sister.

“What the fuck do you _want?”_ he said with his teeth baring and eyes narrowing at Zoe. She didn't respond immediately, but her face was an expression of pure, obligated sympathy. 

“I’m really sorr-”

“Did you do this?”

“A student must've overheard-”

“You were fucking _talking_ about me?”

“Alana ask’d-”

“Why does _Alana_ want to know?”

“She just saw you flirting with-”

“I was _not_ fucking _flirt-”_

 _”Connor,”_ she sighed out his name in defeat. She usually didn't give up with his behavior this early, so maybe she did care, just a little bit. That’s not the _point.”_ Okay, so maybe not.

“Well guess what? There is no fucking point! This wouldn’t’ve happened if-!” Connor yelled, his voice rising with every syllable, “Just- fucking- leave me alone! Get the fuck away from me!”

Zoe did as she was told. She mouthed “I’m sorry,” backed away, then rushed down to the hallway that led to the cafeteria. Connor glared at her figure until she was out of sight, then stormed down the opposite hallway, toward the school parking lot.

As Connor trudged over to his beat-up truck, the cold wind brushed against his hair and cheeks, causing goosebumps to rise along his skin. He leaned against his car and started tearing the new box of cigarettes open, eager to feel the sensation temporarily calm him.

He tore open the plastic a little too forcefully that he ended up tearing the top lid almost off the box, causing the box to slip out of his gloved hands and onto the ground, leaving him gripping onto a small piece of plastic wrap. He cursed loudly, bent down and snatched the box, then started peeling off the excess plastic.

He stuck a cigarette in his mouth and pulled out a lighter from his messenger bag and began flicking it for a flame. It didn't light the first time, or the second, or the third. He was practically shaking with irritation at this point, so he just ended up kicking it under his truck. He had another in his glove compartment, anyway.

Just as he did so, he heard the school doors burst open. He immediately scrambled to hide the box and cigarette, then watched as two boys in unfamiliar clothing approach him. Unknowing if the two were a threat or not, Connor tensed up as feelings of fear, uncertainty, and slight aggravation flooded his senses. However, as the two’s facial features became clear, Connor slightly relaxed. Just slightly.

His two friends of about three months stood a few feet away from him, both obviously having no clue of what to say. They both stood there for a few moments, only exchanging glances, until one of them finally spoke up.

“What do you wa- Why are you two here?” Connor asked, “Don't you have class or lunch or some shit?”

“Zoe told us what happened,” Jared said nonchalantly.

“Zoe sure likes to talk,” Connor growled.

“Con-Connor, I- uh, we…we’re worried about you,” the other one, Evan, spoke, “And, uh, Zoe is, too.”

“Worried about what?” Connor spat, “That- that I might like a guy- or, or go to Hell? Well, I’m not putting-”

“Wh-what? The- that’s not-!” Evan started, but was quickly interrupted.

“Look, you don't need to defend yourself, Murphy! Cool it!” Jared said, crossing his arms. Connor shot him a glare before returning back to Evan.

“I’m- I’m bisexual!” Evan said, tugging at the sleeves of his fleece sweater.

Jared chimed in again. “And I’m gay!”

Connor’s eyes widened in astonishment. “Wait, you're both-?”

 _”Yes!”_ they both all but shouted (Evan was a little more exasperated).

“Oh- oh, _fuck._ Well, I’m demi,” Connor said. He paused then continued in a more hushed tone. “Fuck, well, I didn't think _this_ is how I’d out myself. Or you guys, either.”

Evan nodded. “Definitely not, but, uh, things, um...things happ-”

“Yeah,” Jared interjected, “But just- just know that we’re here for you. Even though you can be kind of a dick-” --Connor rolled his eyes-- “And I gotta admit, I am, too, but uh- we have your back.”

“And- uh, and we’re willing to kick anyone's home-homo-ph-phobic ass if they hurt you,” Evan said with a small smile.

Connor ducked his head, his hair immediately covering his eyes, and let out a small, airy chuckle. He looked back at the two, and suddenly all the events of lunch period caught up with him. With a bitter smile, he said “I _am_ a dick.”

“Ha-ha, yeah, the _biggest,”_ Jared said in an obvious joking manner, but Connor wasn't laughing. 

Evan was the first to notice. He immediately placed his hands on Connor’s shoulders and gripped them, which caused the taller boy to slightly pull away out of retaliation, then locked eyes with him. “Connor? Connor, lis- listen to me.”

Connor hummed in response, the smile long gone and instead place with a small, thin line, almost a frown.

“You- you are _not_ a dick.”

Connor didn't say a word of disagreement, but doubt was evident in his features.

“Zoe told me how you reacted.”

“I blamed her,” Connor said in a spiteful voice, although it was more at himself than anyone, “I got pissed at you guys. I got pissed at her.”

“You did, but it’s- it’s oka-”

“It's not fucking ‘okay,’” Connor said, his voice rising just the slightest as his eyebrows furrowed, “What I do will never be ‘okay.’ My friends were trying to help me and I hurt them. I fucking- I fucking _hurt_ them- my only friends. And I jumped to conclusions and blamed the wrong people, like I always do. I got mad at the wrong people. It's not right. It's not fucking right.”

“I- Connor.”

“What is it?” Connor hissed. Evan tensed up, and his fingers slightly trembled. Jared noticed and shot a glare at Connor, but it went unseen.

“At- at least you, uh, ack-acknowledged your mistakes. That takes a lot. It's a great, uh, a great start.”

Again, Connor didn't say anything. He averted his stare to the ground as his knuckled curled into fists.

“Just, uh- look, Connor, you’re not perfect- _I’m_ not perfect, but just- you don't need to beat yourself up over it.”

“It's not that I’m- that I’m not perfect or some shit- I’m just not a good person,” Connor grumbled, “Just- I’m a _terrible_ person. I’m a fucking terrible, god awful excuse of a human being.”

“Connor, that is not tr-”

Connor glared at Evan. Evan closed his mouth and loosened his grip on Connor. Now, only his fingertips were gently resting on Connor’s shoulders. 

Evan didn't look away from Connor, but his eyes were full of nervousness and anxiety, and his muscles were tense. Behind Evan, Connor could see Jared taking a step toward the two, unsure if he should intervene. Connor softened his glare, then ripped his gaze away from Evan and instead to the ground.

“Sorry,” he said in a half-hearted manner. He heard Jared take a step back.

“I- Uh, i-it’s fine. It's okay. It’s, um, it's fine.”

Connor averted his gaze to the ground as he began fidgeting with his hands. Evan hesitated, then reached up to Connor’s face and planted a warm, platonic kiss on his cheek. It was something Evan had grown accustomed to about a month into their friendship, just a sign that he cared deeply and wanted to help someone. Not to mention that Zoe started doing it, too, and that was probably Evan’s fault.

“Just, uh- I’ll give- give you, um, some alone time, but don't, um, be afraid to tell me or Jared anything, okay?”

“Sure.”

Evan nodded, more to himself, then let go of Connor’s shoulders, then backed away a few steps before turning around and walking with Jared back into the building.

Once they were gone, Connor grabbed the box of cigarettes, along with his keys, out of his pocket.

**Author's Note:**

> i highly appreciate kudos', hits, and subscribes but i really love comments, especially critique (not too harsh though im a baby) so if you could leave one ill lov u forever mwah


End file.
